D3 body, D1 cock
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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