He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
