I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
