Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
