Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pants are for mortals
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