Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
