Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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