Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
