Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
