i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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