I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
