ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
