I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
