Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
As shirtless as possible
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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