Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
