so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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