She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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