I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
