Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I will die if light touches me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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