Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
