I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
