i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
try to milk me bitch
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