oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
