You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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