At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
