what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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