I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
