toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
