There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize