??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
