Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
