Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
