My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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