I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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