Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize