Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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