So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
