In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
