So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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