shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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