My room smells like vodka and shame
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
