I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
zippers are such a cool invention
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
