When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
