i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
