I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
