At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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