so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
