he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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