We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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