her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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