Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
