saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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