So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
