My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
