Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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