So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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