god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
