i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
