Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
