Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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