He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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