My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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