If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
