At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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