Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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