Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
