We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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