dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
