one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
