and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
