I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
